Jack Kerouac, as Sal Paradise once said: "I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion." And I think that's a rather apt description of my blog over the years, and perhaps the most perfect description of me in general that I've ever read. So that's what this blog is, a collection of the falling stars that are beckoning me at any time.

24 January 2006

a day I actually did something

Today I was actually productive. i finished all the needed stuff on my passport application and it is now bound for the British Embassy; I got my alumni membership to the HPER building so I can start going to the gym; I finished distributing the last of my type for my projects last semester (now if I only get off my arse and start carving the lino for the title page and colophon and the folder so the collaboration project will be done.); I cleaned out my soulseek incoming folder so my music is all neatly categorised again, (for now)

My mother said my US Passport photo made me look like a terrorist. I wouldn't go that far, I do think it looks like on par with the Nick Nolte mug shot, so you can imagine that I don't want a repeat of that on my British Passport. I had to get 3 sets of passport photos before I got one that didn't look unreasonably bad, I mean I'm not expecting a good shot it is a passport after all, but seriously nick nolte mugshot and the second set I was orange, I looked Indian (and I am one of the whitest white girls, usually when I'm in flash photography I glow like a flourescent tube I'm so white and reflective) I know it'll be cut off when it's actually in the passport, but I was amused that I was wearing my new threadless 'Communist party' t-shirt and you can even see Lenin with his birthday party hat on the photo.

I decided I'm going to try to try to sew myself some skirts because I hate most of the ones I run across at the stores. Plus it will force me to learn the sewing machine instead of hand sewing everything. So I bought a pattern for a simple A line skirt and also this skirt since the vogue patterns were 75% off. It's probably going to end up being a skirt that looks good on anyone but my body type, but it's kind of simple yet quirky which is definitely my style.

I went to Taste for a belated lunch and had edamame and a really good coconut chicken salad.

22 January 2006

3 feet from visionary brillinace

today was the opening of the museum show that one of my books appears in. The whole exhibit looks great and the space is so well designed it really surprised me to hear that Father William designed the gallery space himself. I never though of priests of being so in tune with good museum layout. You learn something new every day I guess. There was a really good turn out too, which I'm happy about becuase Frances, Tammy and Bonnie put in so much work on it so I'm glad it's a success for them.

The Joslyn loaned some pieces for the show, including an original William Blake piece. So I can actually say I've been in an exhibition with William Blake! the peice is actually like maybe 3 feet away from my book.

I decided that I want to try to go to a real restaurant once a week and have a nice meal, I eat so much cheap crap all the time, and it's so hard to cook when it's just me and I'm terrible about not eating leftovers. I pretty much just eat special K for breakfast and dinner and then something like cheese and crackers while at work. So I figure I can splurge on one good meal a week. I went to Jaipur today and had some good Indian food. I was going to have vindaloo to try to kill myself with spicyness, but the vindaloo has an onion base (and I was so impressed that my waiter actually took it upon himself to check with the cook to see if it was made with onions when I mentioned that I was allergic, I'm so used to finding out the hard and itchy way that something has onions in it. He got a 25% tip from me.) so I had something else that the waiter suggested that was totally onion free. I can't rememer what it was, but it was excellent also I had some naan bread with mint chutney.

19 January 2006

time for plan B

so vacation request formally denied. Time to come up with brilliant B plans. Right now I'm leaning toward just up and moving combined with vacation. There's something that seems pointless about shelling out for holiday compning back and then trying to save up for a move. Mainly because the time it will take to raise the relocation funds means that it's not like I can pin down a flat or job for myself while on holiday, so why not just go on holiday with no intention of coming back? I know it frustrates me greatly that it's going to be that much longer til I get to see Ben, but if it's meant to end up more than an internet friendship/mutual crush then a few more months shouldn't make us go off each other right? And if that dread fear happens and e meets some hot girl who actually lives in his postal code before I do then it's not like it will be the first time I've ever missed out on an amazing guy to someone else (not like that rationalisation will make it feel any less like a piledriver if it happens, but I like rationalising things til they look manageable)

So my B plan is to look into getting a job temping (because temps make more money than I do) and possibly doing one of those couple week bartending schools and getting a parttime job bartending. Then not only would I make the 6K I need faster, but I'd also get some office and bartending experience for the CV which should help get an interim pay-the-rent job while I try to get myself a advertising or design position once I've moved.

I need to do something creative soon, I'm boring myself. I'm thinking about joining the printmaker's guild and paying for usage of the facilities for a few months. (maybe I can even sneak in some time figuring out the litho press)

16 January 2006

holidays are a nuisance

Every errand I need to run on my day off this week ahs been completely thwarted due to my day off being Monday rather than Tuesday, mainly because today is also another damn federal holiday. No post office. No UNO library to remove my last hold againt being mailed my diploma. No UNO offices to pay for an alumni membership to the HPER building so I can go to the gym. And the person I need to see so I can get the countersignatory signatures on my passport photos for my British passport so I can get the application mailed in is out sick today. (You see the British government is logical, unlike America who has a postal clerk countersign your idetification photo affirming that you are you by looking at your drivers license for a British passport the countersignatory has to be a person who has known you at elast 2 years and has a certain level of professional status, but is not related to you. So like a member of the clergy or a doctor or teacher or such. That's what my problem has been becuase I've moved around so much that finding someone who has a suitable profession and has known me at least 2 years has been problematic. I've tried to stick to finding someone who has one of the professions listed on the form instructions even though my father swears that they don't honestly pay attention to that, they're more concerned that someone's affirming you are you, but I'm already short of the 'person should be a British subject' instruction as the only British citizens I know available to sign the photos and document are related to me. )

12 January 2006


Garrgh. I'm really frustrated today, actually I expect the frustration to go on for awhile. BasicallyI've been told that there's pretty much no way I'm going to get my vacation request. I knew that 3 weeks was going to be a bit of a problem with the stupid way we're staffed. I mean as is if a cashier gets sick or whatever you pretty much have to work anyway unless someone takes pity on you and works a double. He claims he's going to talk to the owners, but I think we all know they won't want to work out a solution, hell they've illegally taken money out of Mary's paycheque twice for credit card errors.

What frustrates me about it is it puts me in a position where I either have to delay my holiday until I've enough to be able to afford looking for a new job when I I get back or waiting until I've got enough to just combine holiday with move. I don't know whether I've mentioned it, but I'm planning to move to London now that I've got my degree. I'm a dual citizen so at it's heart it's kind of on par for me with movieng to New York, at least as far as the picking up and throwing myself into a swim or drown position. The only really annoying problem/difference being that in that initial relocating stage my money is only worth about half as much so it takes twice as long to raise the sums I need to secure that I'll have a place to live and the raw necessities whilst I find even the most temporary of jobs.

And I admit that what I find most frustrating of all is that it's going to mean further delay in getting to meet Ben face to face. At this rate even if I only put it off long enough for the find a new job here buffer cash option we'll have been talking to each other for more than a year before we meet.

why can't I ever just have a plan run smoothly?

07 January 2006

back from end of semester insanity

Well I'm finally back. I really didn't mean to disappear for so long and desert this blog, but like I said I practically live in the art building at the end of a semester and being that this one was my final semester I was putting extra pressure on myself. But all of those 72 hours with no sleep stints and sleeping on the concrete floor in the storage closet for 3 hours here and there was worth it, after 10 and a half years I finally have my degree. Now comes the worst part; trying to turn that degree into a job in the design or advertising field. Not to mention that I want to move to London (which is not really any harder than say moving to New York in that I'm also a British citizen because my father is, so it's notexactly immigrating it's just relocating) Everytime I try to decide what my portfolio is going to need to have I feel sheer terror well up, I think that's why I stayed in academia so long I hate selling If I were a car or soft drink I could just come up with some funny idea for a commercial. I think it's a lot easier to fool somebody into choosing one brand of spaghetti over another than it is to sell yourself as an employee.

My edition book for this semester turned out amazing, even better I think than i had envisioned it. It's been curated into an exhibition on the history of bookarts that's going to be running in conjunction with a travelling exhibit of an Illuminated bible that's going on at the Joslyn museum later this month. I'm excited as hell about that. I need to figure out how to best photograph it so I can post it up here.

I also sold my first print at the student art show, so the end of this semester has been really great for me and ego rewarding.

I really want it to be March so I can go visit Ben and get some kind of concrete idea of whether we get on in real life and whether or not there might be a possibility of some kind of future for us. I think the thing is that I like him enough from our emails and our phone conversations that I sort of feel in a limbo about it all, it's weird.