Jack Kerouac, as Sal Paradise once said: "I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion." And I think that's a rather apt description of my blog over the years, and perhaps the most perfect description of me in general that I've ever read. So that's what this blog is, a collection of the falling stars that are beckoning me at any time.

22 September 2005

mix madness

I've gotten 2 more dual disc debacle mixes in the post today,yay.

this means that so far I've gotten the following mixes:

Sophomore Mix from Jenny B with the nice note included. This mix I have listened to because I got it over a week ago, but have just been remiss about mentioning it here (sorry Jenny) It's a great mix with lots of British invasion sound. Also I had forgotten how much I liked the Dead Kennedys' California Uber Alles, until it came on while I was walking from the shuttle lot up to campus (that's my idea of exercise of late parking all the way over there but not taking the shuttle and just walking. )

Today I got Raquel from Portugal's Portugese sounds with the gloriously cool cover art, which I shall be listening to tonight. And I also got Cindy from California's cds.

my room is in desparate need of cleaning it's really awful, I've just been sort of lietting it go to pot because I've been sleeping upstairs in the tv room all summer and now it's a fright, and I've got to figure out how to get to the bed to sleep this weekend becuase my uncle Gwill will be in town from Wales this weekend starting tomorrow. I'm quite excited to see him, it's been over a decade since I last have actually thinking on how old I am now it may have actually been 2 decades since I've seen him. My family never gets to see our relatives, which is another reason I'm keen on going to the UK after graduation, though more and more it's quite detirmined in my mind that I am not just going for a visit, but moving. and yes damnit Ben has a lot to do with the fact that I've made up my mind that way, but even if somehow we didn't hit it off in person the way we do in email and phonecall, I'd still want to move falling madly in smit is just the kind of thing that catalyses one to stop skittering around ideas and actually try to go for them. I've been purposely vague about my intentions to my family, though I think my dad has gotten a suspicion that I'm sersiouly considering a move overseas and I think in a round about way he thinks it's a good idea (though I think he thinks it will make me all rah rah america, well I know they think that I don't have a clue about how life in other countries is, but the fact is that I do, I've never thought that anywhere had an idyllic life there are pros and cons to every place, and I do pay attention to foreign news sources to see what those are. )

21 September 2005


I should be in advanced fiction studio right now, but I'm not, I stayed put in my chair in the computing lab. I'd done my work, my assinine set of questions for the manuscripts going today, but I just didn't feel like going. I just hate that class, it sucks all the joy out of life and it shouldn't. I used to love my fiction studios at Emerson, but I think that's because the professors at Emerson were awesome and not full of self-importance the way this professor is. This professor turns the emphasis off people working on their writing, off them improving in whatever voice and topic they happen to have, makes it about joylessness and her idea of what she wants to read. There are the same share of career workshoppers, they're everywhere that pompous, pretentious breed of writers who can't shut up about their experiences through writing and how somehow, someway everything anyone can ever write or think relates back to them. Who always have the same points of view as the professor, no matter that the last time you had a class with them they did the same thing, only the professor had opposite views; always belabour over some obvious point, some error of structure, as though it were the most important thing in the universe and they just can't get past it; who feign what has to be fake obtuseness about the meanings of absolutely clear things as though they get and are picking up on what it is you are trying to make but they refuse to attribute it to your intention as though you were making a mistake and somehow they are so clever that they're pointing it out to you so you can fix it. I hate these fuckers, but I rest assured in the belief that they are the airless sort who will never make it out of acadamia because that is the only place that such utter bullshit is ever thought or humoured. I know that it's true because half of the types of things that they'd never get or would have had a fieldday trying to change is the sort of thing that's not only published, but becomes an underground hit, a sensation amongst people with half a mind. So bI'm not going to class. I have 2 unexcused abscences a semester and I'm taking one of them right now and I'm not sorry. I didn't have a particular desire to discuss the manuscripts for this week anyway, I was mostly unwowed. Has there been an ebb in people who want to do edgy in university? A failed spectacular attempt is more desirable to me than a half successful bit of boring.

19 September 2005

woohoo mixology

hah I have finally got my dual disc debacle discs ready to post, they'd actually be there already only the mailers I bought to mail them in it appears are too narrow for my packaging, oops. So i've got to buy new ones tomorrow.

Sure I could wait to post details, but no one knows who I have so it will still be a surprise and besides I'm quite proud of how the packaging turned out, it was such a pain in the ass.

here is a shot of each of the sideseach disc nestles into the centre of a bomb. Up top on the fuse is an accordian book of the tracklisting with a little slip around then to keep them flat when you don't want to look at them.

this is a close-up of one of the accoridan books.

They'd obviously look better if I had the blackcore foam board instead of having to use a sharpie to colour whiteboard black, also if I had a proper saw to cut the board my utility knifes were all either too dull to work well or too flimsy.

The tracks:

red wire......................................green wire
future sounds of london- dead cities.............st thomas- railroad
deltron 3030- mastermind.........................the dears- who are you defenders
rem- oddfellows local 151....................................of the universe
mountain goats- lion's teeth.....................aisler's set- mission bells
girls against boys- she's lost control...........beat happening- bad seeds
mclucsky- to hell with good intentions...........relaxed muscle- let it ride
leonard cohen- first we take manhattan...........madrugada- come on home to me
the faint- psycho killer.........................sneaker pimps- blue movie
toure kunde- in the air tonight..................girls against boys- 300 looks for
alizee- moi lolita...........................................................summer
cat power- crossbones style......................lois- charles atlas
mountain goats- dilaudid.........................the organ- brother
arab strap- flirt................................ariel pinks haunted graffiti- jules
jarvis cocker- a cheat...............................................lost his jewels
mirah- the garden................................tigers & monkeys- somethings
fischerspooner- just let go..............................................got to give
mirah- apples in the trees.......................young marble giants- brand
.................................................mountain goats- alpha rats nest
.................................................amazing pilots- price of winter
.................................................slumber party- black heart road
.................................................dufus- wrinkle
.................................................stephen jones- we all make the
.......................................................................flowers grow

18 September 2005

don't worry about me, I'm just being murdered over here

If there was ever any question that I am quitting my job post haste it has been answered. Last night somtime during second shift (presumably at the time when the sun went down and they became necessary) the canopy lights shut off plunging the parking lot into pitch blackness. The electrician of contract either didn't feel like coming in, or no one bothered to call him, actully more likley fucking bitch district advisor decided that it wasn't necessary to call electrician to come in until morning, and the brilliant solution ot the problem of no lights on in the parking lot and looking pretty closed from the street was that the lights override should be used, since that will turn the lights on for 45 minutes in case of storms where it gets dark dirng the day. Now this is a stupid idea of a solution for an entire night because you can't push the pverride until the lights shut off, the lights will not come back up again from the override for at least half and hour to 45 minutes becuase they have to cool down completely before they will turn back on, Or worse, and what happened to me is the lights will shut down and even after they've cooled they won't turn back on. I was stuck by myself, alone, from 1:30 am until 5:45 am surrounded on all sides by pitch black parking lot, with no customers coming in becuase people thought we were closed for some reason, in a not so good neighbourhood. (Now the neighbourhood is not the quasi compton that some people in the are would have you believe, and I'm not really concerned working there overnight on normal days, it's well lit and busy enough that there aren't big periods of time where no one is around, but the 48th and Q, where the neighbourhood is really bad and not all that long ago soething really unpleasant happened to the night clerk to the point that the regulars still come in my store concerned that I'm on single coverage and make a point to come in and check on me if they just came to fill up outside and don't see me at the register becuase I'm in the back cleaning or something, is only a couple of blocks south of me)

What makes me more livid about it is that the disctrict advisor knew about the lack of lights, knew that the 3rd shift is a lone female, and was more concerned about the $10 in sales that we might still get. What was the point of leaving me in a position where if the worst did happen and a robber came in or a rapist and I got shot or stabbed and couldn't get to the phone to call the paramedics after it was over? I'd bleed to death before a customer showed up to find me becuase they all thought we were closed becuase of no lights? I had maybe 5 customers the whole shift, they can't have even produced enough of a profit to pay for my shitty low wage for those hours.

If I'd really thought about it before the shift change was complete I would have said 'oh hell no I'm not working here by myself.' but I didn't, not until the lights didn't come back on from the override timing out and by then it was too late.

But this is certainly, if not my last week, very damn close to it.

16 September 2005

my job makes me need to be leisure class

It's been a pretty lousy day, the only thing I actually got accomplished from my list was my passport application. I was pretty livid when I went to go get my schedule for this week (this week started today) and my checque at 2:30 and not only was there no checque yet, but there wasn't a schedule. Just stepping foot in that place puts me in a bad mood. I really don't want to go back tonight for my shift. they aren't even giving me near what my hours are supposed to be. I'm beginning to think that I'd be better off even working at some damn fast food place. One of these days I'm probably just going to snap and quit, the only reason I haven't is because i've so many other expenses that I can't really afford to go unemployed while I go about getting another job.

In happier news, my correspondance with Ben contiues to be brilliat. If I weren't already totally smitten with him anyway I would certainly have become so after the following little diatribe on typfaces:
' I have a thing about fonts, which is probably another vestigial trace of the calligraphist in me. I'm just coming out of a big apathy for serif fonts, as I've realised I quite like century schoolbook. I'm digging century gothic right now, and always, always hating copperplate. If I see anything in copperplate I automatically despise it. And I like plain sans serifs, but helvetica is fucking boring and I hate it (although I adore Futura). If fonts were people, helv would be an accountant. Copperplate would be the fat american guy with just-for-men hair who wants to haggle over an 'antique' that's actually a reproduction with a barcode on the lable. Comic sans is the Downs Syndrome guy wearing dungarees and a hat with a propellor on the top (believe it or not I actually saw such a person in a shop in Norwich). Futura and Cooper are current faves.'

it's pure genius.

I also got my fabric to make the bag I'm making my back tack person today. The guy at the fabric shop assured me it said squid loud and clear, so we shall see.

fortunately it's friday, maybe I can catch up now

Malteasers are the worst invention in the world, and when I say worst I mean the absolute best candy ever, therefore the worst because they hijack your sense of moderation. Luckily the bag shall soon be gone and I won't have to think about whether I can prevent myself from melting anymore of them on the roof of my mouth. Unfortunately there are still several large milk bars yet untouched. It probably wouldn't be so bad did I not miss good British candy so much that Ben's package of sugary confectionary goodness makes me feel like a 5 year old on halloween. It's so sweet too because he felt guilty about sending so much sugar that he also sent a tube of a toothpaste that's not available in the states. The distance to the end of year seems longer everyday I swear.

I got my passport photos yesterday and they look frighteningly like some bad celebrity mugshot ridiculed on Conan. I'm starting to develop a theory that the more important the identification paper the worse the photo will be. At least you can smile in driver's licenses.

I'm just here finisheing up my dual disc debacle mix, I've run out of time to make separate mixes for everyone, I've just had too much to do with school. Speaking of school, my damn linoleum better be in at Dick Blick today, I really, really need to get started cutting. It seems early in the semester now, but with so many different cuts to make it's actually late.

When I was hunting for something to shove in my lunch kit for lunch at the grocery I ran across these new connoisseur cheese spreads, I tried the brie and oh man am I hooked. They also have gorgonzola and asiago so I think I shall have to give them a try too. I so love cheese.

15 September 2005

the weekend is almost upon me

So I've been getting a lot of spam as comments and I've had to turn on word verification. That's pretty sad, actually it's sad because I don't get a lot of comments so I'd see the "youve got a comment email in my inbox and be all secited and then it would be about penis enlargement cream or something and I'd be sad becuase I don't even have a penis to enlarge. (not that I'd want a penis, but at least they could tailor the spam to fit my gender circumstances you know, I'd like to feel like I'm really being courted as a demographic for my spam.)

I've got to make a concertina book for binding class this weekend, I've decided to be too creative for mere paper and make it out of balsa wood. that whould be fun.

A little survey for my mysterious backtack partner: (I'm so excited about this whole thing it's going to be so much fun)

Which craft have you always wanted to pursue, but just haven't been able to
find the time, etc., to explore? needle felting

Fave colors? blues, dutch fireball red (I'm surprised I'm not listing pantone numbers here :) that ink is about the nicest shade of red i've seen though) and that darkish yellow green colour that seems a cousin of both lime and olive. I don't care much for yellow. Yellow is definitely my least favourite colour.

Do you prefer to make functional items or do you make decorative items as
well? I think I tend to be more functional, I've always been the one who used things that you weren't really supposed to: the tiny ornate guest soaps, the heirloom quilt, the throw pilloe. In fact I've always fancied the idea of getting some of those silly franklin mint plates from a tag sale or something and then serving dinner off them because I think it would be kind of fun to finish my rice and have Scarlet at Tara or Elvis at Graceland appear from underneath. Also because it would apall Franklin Mint collectors everywhere.

Fave artists or designers?
I love Mark Rothko, Maija Fiebig, Edvard munch, Umberto Boccioni (at least the states of mind series) I pretty much love anything produced by Alessi as well as koziol. I like minimalist and modern with bits of whimsy thrown in for contrast.

Natural world or ethereal realm? natural world. I don't like faires and dragons and that sort of thing at all. owls, bears and octopi are where it's at.

Fuzzy, shiny, sparkly or clean-lines? clean lines. I'm definitely not a sparkly person, but furry and shiny have thier places in moderation.

50's, 60's, 70's, 80's or another era? Why? I like the 20s because I've always had a thing for flappers and especially Louise Brooks. I like the reckless fun, the defiant whimsy and the stubborn naivete of the era. I like the late 30s-mid 40s becuase I love the smart lines of the clothes and that's when all the great screwball comedies were made. And I've always had a great affinity for the 50s as depicted in the illustrations of chidren's books of that era, it's one of the very clear childhood memories of why I loved books when I was growing up, looking at the illustrations in children's books of etiquette and party giving as well as novels for kids like 'Gone Away Lake' and 'the Rock Hounds'

Hand-made or machine made? handmade. I can be ridiculously anti-deluvean at times, but I like that last little hold out against technology, it maks me feel like I could still cope if the word's computers crashed.

Computer or good ole paper and graphite? definitely paper and graphite. for the same reasons

Anything else you'd like me to know about you??? Hmm... I don't know... I can't roll my tongue into that little u tube thing even though everyone in my family can and I hear that's a genetic trait.

13 September 2005

self portrait tuesday

my favourite area of the body is the area from the earlobe to the clavicle. I've a weakness for a nice throat. I think it's the most underrated erogenous zone. It is fascinatingly complicated and graceful the muscles and tendons.

12 September 2005

I'm no wage faust

what is the deal with companies who expect you to sell yourself into slavery to work for them? I went to apply for a wharehouse job order picking for a large novelty company here because they pay way more than the job I have now which isn't cutting it when it comes my current expenses (in the next 13 weeks I have to pay my tuition, pay for a us passport so that I can pay for my British passport [for some reason because I've never had either passport and I'm living in the US I have to send in a copy of my US passport in order to get my British one processed which, if you ask me is silly because I have the necessary documents to prove my claim to British citizenship and damn it I didn't enter this country on a passport I was born here. I don't even want a US passport, if I'm going to travel the world I'm better off using my British one anyway. so it seems like a big waste of money to have to pay the fees to get one), get an eye exam and pay for new specs, buy plane tickets to the UK for after graduation. and on a cheque of only $200 a week, that's just not cutting it.) I went through all the application rigamarole but couldn't get the job because there are 3 nights from now until the end of December that I am unavailable to work. 3 nights. not 3 nights a week, not even three nights in the same week, one's a tuesday in a couple weeks, one's a wednesday in October and the other is a Saturday in October, that's not even the xmas busy season, whatthe fuck. I left a bit pissed, but in a way glad because any company that thinks it owns you that much is probably the shittiest place on earth to work for, so the new job hunt continues.

I need to finish my labyrinth book for my binding class tonight, but now that I've decided to make it a double book, I seem to be stuck on a second poem for the other side. I hit the jackpot at the friends of the library book sale, I found this old yellow plastic national geographic box full of maps, it's so awesome, so I cut one into a labyrinth book for my class project. It was a map of north american bird migrations with the migration route on one side and just a map of the americas on the other, on the side that mostly opens on the regular maps I used Gord Downie's 'Nothing but heartache in your social life' for the text, and I needed to take it home to tweak a couple of things anyway, but I thought I needed to put a different poem on the side with the migration map but I'm having a time finding the right one.

I got my first mixes from the Dual Disc Debacle today in the post, I totally wasn't expecting that at all yet. Now I feel quite behind. It's good because I'll have something to listen to at school tomorrow.

I'm such a damn kid at the core I saw these disposable utensils at the supermarket and had to buy them to put in my lunch kit instead of bringing the good silverware

I'm so addicted to cute things, even though I've tried to get away from hello kitty now that she is obnoxiously trendy and adorning half of target, I still am a sucker for cute. I sort of went over to san-x once the onslaught of mainstream hit.

Tomorrow Ben and I are to have a proper phone conversation (meaning landline to landline as he's only regularly got a cell and one from a totally different area than he's living in and the reception is awful so up til now there have been lot of 2 minute calls back to back as the calls keep getting dropped mid sentance. Also the lag calling between the countries is awful, you'd think that by 2005 in two very modern and advanced techonogically western countries this wouldn't be a problem.

11 September 2005

just some random babblings

Time to focus again all these brilliant swaps I've signed up for are finally rolling so I've got to stop neglaecting the land of blog.

I was thinking of doing 5 entirely different double mixes for the dual disc debacle making certain that no one gets the same mix, I'm not sure whether or not I'll feel quite so ambitiouss over the next couple of days, whilst I am crafting the musical awesomeness, It will actually probably be easier to come up with 10 discs of music rather than narrowing my insanely extensive collection down to two.

I'm thinking of making some lovely apricot-date bars for my blogging by mail pal, probably becaue I've been having a jones for them of late so they sound like a good idea. That or divinity, but I know if I make divinity I'll end up eating a bunch of it and that will totally ruin my diet.

And of course I've got to get busy lurking on my back tack buddy's blog to find out what to make a kit on. I suppose logically that would mean I really ought to start posting in here more to give ideas to whoever has me.

I went to see Me, You and Everone we Know, yesterday. My friends at the cinema kept telling me about all the people who walked out because of some of the content, so stupid. It was such a beautiful film and in fact all the content these puritans found objectionable was really tame by today's standards and were quite funny. well too bad for them I guess, they missed the rest of a lovely film.

The aristocrats opens this coming week-end and I am definitely all about seeing it. Also it's nice to know the guy who pretty much runs the cinema so my poor student ass doens't have to pay admission. I've got to find a new job, everyone's hours have gotten cut at my current one and I wasn't making enough money to pay my tuition as it was, now I'm really past broke. The job sucked anyway because we were so ridiculously mircromanaged that I half expect some Simon Legree to pop out whip in hand if ever I dare to go to the washroom on my shift. I also rather dislike being the only person on from midnight til 8 am. I haven't been robbed yet, but the store about a mile or two down the street has been hit twice in the last couple of months. I think I'm going to apply for seasonal work in the distribution warehouse of a novelty company here doing order picking 3rd shift. Not a terribly exciting job, but with shift differential and incentives you can earn up to 12.73 an hour which is good money, and seasonal probably means up til the new year which is how long I'm planning to be in town anyway, plus if I need to and I'm not a shitty employee then that's the kind of place where I could stay on if I should need to build up some more money in January before I embark to whatever corner of the globe I'll be off to as a graduate.

I put in my linoleum order for my book projects and it's still not in yet, I should have ordered it online, then I would have gotten it in a few business days instead of 2 weeks, it's occurred to me that there are a mere 13 weeks left in the semester, I think I have to finish cutting at least 2 pages of illustrations a week, to be even remotely on track. Yipes! If only I could find a way to harness time where it would go slowly when I need more time to work on things and zip by in two shakes when I don't want to do something. That would be a good thing for someone to invent.

01 September 2005

pictures and tidbits

yikes, I've been so non-blogging since school started again, I guess that could be a slightly positive thing since it means that instead of spending all my freetiime between classes and such online I'm working on art or fiction writing or something (ok I do spend a few hours online, but they are spent in composing long thoughtful emails to the Scottish fellow who's been steadily stealing my heart and that's pretty much mandatory computer time as far as I'm concerned, I get far too much joy out of our correspondence for it not to be, but Idon't spend too much more time online of late)

Actually I was thinking that its interesting the patterns in which we blog and take time away from it and how they vary in ways that tell a lot about our individual lives. Those with families and kids seem to have their hiatuses during the summer when there is an abundance of time to spend with the kids and take summer vacations, the scholastic of us have those beginning and end of semester lulls where we're focused on the newness of school or freaking out under the end of the deadline crunch. I guess it's like our bones have the story of our life written on them in bumps and textures , our blogging habits can tell alot about us.

but anyway: things I probably would have said over the course of many posts, but that are now condensed into one convienient post (it's like the reader's digest of my blog)

1. I was reading Myla Goldberg's 'Bee Season' in an anthology of Jewish writer's called 'Lost Tribe: Jewish fiction from the edge' It's about a girl who competes in spelling bees and in becoming a spelling protege suddenly becomes uninvisible to her father. And at the end where she's just spelled the word that will ein her the state championship if she gets it correct and she's waiting for the judge to confirm or deny it there is the most wonderful sentence I've read in a long time:
'Resounding, palpable silence. Nothing moves. Eliza
wonders if death is not a sleep you can't wake up from
but life reduced to one inescapable moment.'

2. I got the best lunch kit ever at Target, I really can't go into that store it's too dangerous I spend money I don't have to spend. I went to go get a usb drive that was on sale so I can convieniently carry around things I need to print or work on between my computer and computers attached to printers, and I ended up coming out with some school supplies I don't entirely need and a twin pack of polaroid film for my polaroid one (which isn't even the polaroid I own hat I have been hankering to use) but I did need a lunch kit really, I spend so much time at school that it's practical. so this is my new lunchbox:

3. I've been meaning to make my post about the goodies recieved in the fabric scrap swap. I got some really great peices of fabric and had a lot of fun participating. Hopefully people liked at least a few of the scraps I sent, I felt a bit sheepish when all the scraps I got in return were all in nice and neat squares and rectangles, I did go to the effort of trying to make the main 8 peices that everyone got the same of square, but for some reason I've never been a square scrap leaver, so the mounds of random scraps weren't very square, just wild. And I fept finding all kinds of crazy odd patterns squirreled away in the fabric room most of it vintage from the 70s so I felt compelled to send that around the world instead of sticking to all more normal fare. True to the form of these scrap posts here is a photo of some of my favourite of the scraps,

there were too many favourite ones to fit in one artful display so this is merely a selection, plus I've insane amounts more of toehr scraps now, I'm defintely glad that I participated it was a great experience.

4. Kevin sent me a link for craiglist for a guy selling a 16mm bolex for $100, sucre I don't have a spare $100, but damn it when will I ever run across a working bolex for so cheap, I wrote teh guy and am very interested in getting it, though if he hasn't already sold it yet, I'll probably inquire why he's not going to milk it on ebay and if the answer doesn't sound too fishy I'll probably buy it. I do really hunger to get my own bolex and start making films again, especially now that I understand where I and film stand on our needs of eachother.

5. so much linoleum! I'm pressing myself to do a lot of cuts right now that aren't related to anything else I need to do cuts for, personal work, whether this is going to lead to printmaking burnout with the amount of cuts I need to do for both of my book projects let alone anything I may do for a binding project I don't know but at present it makes me feel really industrious and on top of what I should be doing. I'm working alot in the personal realm on doing portrait cuts sort of like the one on the right of this photo from the edition book I did last semester

(bonus points to you if you know who that was a photo of) I'm doing a few of peole like that, celebrities, but I'm really also trying to convert a lot of the portraits of people that I've photographed into prints, sort of an I don't have access to a darkroom so I'll just turn my photos into linoleum prints :)
I'd still have to say that my favourite print I've made has been far more simple:

also a piece from my edition book. I've been considering printing up some prints to sell as sort of a fundraiser for my go to Wales and visit my famiily after graduation and of course take that essential little hop skip and jump up the UK to visit Ben. But I really don't know how saleable such stuff is, I've never actually done my art as an edition meant to sell or tried to sell it, mainly it's just been in a student gallery show and then retired to my own home, so damn if I know how much one charrged for anything let alone goes hey do you want to buy this.

well, tis about time to leave for class so that ends this post.